i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
