just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
