I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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