Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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