At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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