you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
