I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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