Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
