I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
