So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
