part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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