please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You can't special order awesome
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
