I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Never underestimate the power of titties
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