Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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