cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
