i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
