How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
