and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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