Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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