oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Randomize
