I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
