Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
