guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize