is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
