**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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