I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
