We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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