Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
