Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
