White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
