The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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