You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
my poor anus
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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