he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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