We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
