I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
