Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
