I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
