I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
