When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
and she was petting her beer can
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
how does that bad decision feel?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize