It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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