Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
