I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
