I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
