drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
