Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
