i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize
