I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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