I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
