i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
