i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
