my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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