Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
