Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
