Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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