our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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