So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
