apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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