Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
