I'm lost and stupid without you.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
