Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize