Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Randomize
