the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
