You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
